I need a sponsor!

Please sponsor me for the 2006 AIDS Walk. The AIDS Walk is my most important event for the year, raising $150,000, which is half of my budget. All money raised pays for HIV education and services provided by Pacific Pride Foundation (my employer!) in Santa Barbara County. If I raise $500 then I get a cool canvass tote bag!

You can sponsor my sending me a check or donating online.

Pacific Pride Foundation
126 E. Haley St., Suite A-11
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

Thank you to everyone who sponsored me last year, and to mom and dad for donating $75 this year! Only $425 left to go until I get the tote bag!

End of an Era

I'm very sad to report that I sold my Vespa today. Even though I love it, I barely ever ride and never have felt comfortable on it. Here's a photo that was taken before I bought it by the owner of the Vespa shop, who bought it back from me. He loves this bike and wants it for his personal collection. It's a 1964 small frame with a new ET3 engine in it, so it goes 40mhp+. The guy drove me home on the back of a new scooter, which was fun. Maybe one day I'll get another one with a more solid frame that feels a bit sturdier.

Finally, Some Prime-Time Racism

From LA Times Weekly Columnist Joel Stein.

Battle of the races on 'Survivor' places discussion of stereotypes where it belongs -- in the mainstream.

September 19, 2006

I'VE NEVER BEEN interested in "Survivor," but the new, racist "Survivor" — that, I was psyched about. If "Battle of the Network Stars" made good TV, weekly competitions between poorly fed "tribes" of African Americans, whites, Asians and Latinos were going to be awesome. So, last Thursday night, I got some brie and water crackers, put on a J. Crew sweater vest and settled down on the settee to root for whitey.

None of my white friends wanted to watch with me because — although it was fine for the other races — they felt it was unbecoming for Caucasian Americans to root for their own kind. I found that condescending. Cheering for the whites is no different from rooting for my college football team, for U.S. Olympic teams or for men to finish before women in porn scenes. The latter, unlike the men's Olympic basketball team, never let me down.

But it turns out lots of people got freaked out about this. As soon as CBS announced this season's theme, leaders of the New York City Council demanded that the network abandon the idea, and GM, Coca-Cola, Campbell Soup, Johnson & Johnson and Febreze ended their advertising on the series. You know you've stumbled into a huge pile of it when even Febreze walks away.

No one got upset in past seasons when the show used gender and age to divide people. But we've somehow decided that racial issues can only be discussed in books, college lectures, NPR and other mediums that are so boring people can't get riled up. Songs by Coldplay are probably largely about race.

Unlike 30 years ago, when "All in the Family" and "Chico and the Man" made cutting jokes about race, we've set so many rules about talking about skin color that we rarely do it at all. "Survivor: Cook Islands" isn't trivializing race — it's just not avoiding it like the rest of us. If there really were a group of people stranded on a deserted island, this is exactly how things would go down. Just like in jail.

So I was pumped for some serious racial tension as soon as the contestants pulled up to the island. The giant old ship conjured different images depending on which team was on camera: a slave ship, a makeshift raft from the Dominican Republic, a boat full of Vietnamese or an afternoon sailing cruise to Nantucket. My team was going to rock.

Not only, to my delight, was my team the best looking, but the whiteys seemed to have a really fun attitude, joking and bonding and having a great time. A few minutes into the show, however — long before any contests or voting anyone off — something weird started to happen. I started to turn on my own people.

These white people were a little too preppy, too frat-boy, too happy with themselves. While other teams were fighting over hut building, the white folks were making toasts to each other over little bits of coconut milk and lying down to sleep half-naked and spooning en masse, thrilled with their total super awesomeness. It turns out I kind of hate white people.

The black team wasn't doing it for me either, with its sexism, infighting and talk about representing and feeling each other's vibes. They loved themselves almost as much as white people do.

The Latinos were kind of likable and hardworking if quiet, but those Asians — they were terrific. In fact, better yet, they were like me. They were laid-back and self-effacing. There was a journalist, a lawyer, a management consultant — just like my friends. One of them even went to Stanford four years after I did. And they won the first contest handily, even though their chicken was stolen by the white people. White people who probably didn't even eat the feet or eyeballs.

I don't know if my feelings are because of the fact that this is a particularly nice group of Asians, or if Jews are culturally more akin to Asians than other white people, or because Asians are a completely superior race destined to rule the planet. All I know is that the show is allowing me to make these kinds of racist comments in public.

And I think that's good. Not just because, as CBS argues, getting to know these contestants will help dispel stereotypes. It also will allow us to see which stereotypes are true and discuss which differences make us uncomfortable. Maybe if we admit that race is a factor — just like gender and age — we'll be a little more honest with each other. And maybe we'll also realize that, if we're going to survive, we really need to band together against the yellow people.

movie blog

I've just upgraded my movie blog, so go check it out. Jim can now add reviews and I may add a couple of other reviewers. Please comment to get a discussion going on the films!

Alimony Update

You may remember that Gavin agreed to pay me $800 a month for a longer period of time instead of $920 per month. Well, the first of the month came and went. I left him a message and an email telling him that I'm frustrated, etc and that he knows the penalties for not paying. A few days later I got a check for $400 with a promise for the rest later this month along with an email saying "don't flip, potato chip." He always was charming, but unreliable.

I'm going to tell him that he can either set up an automatic payment with his bank or see me in court. No more renegotiating and not following through. I have better things to do with my time.

SB in Vanity Fair

The News-Press Mess has made it to Vanity Fair. In case you don't read the papers, here's the scoop - The SB News-Press, our daily paper, has been corrupted by it's crazy owner. She is interjecting opinion into news (a major no-no) and been repremanding people when she doesn't like their stories they cover (also a major no-no). It's become a major first ammendment battle and international news. There is a 6 page story starting on page 190 in the October issue of Vanity Fair. It's not posted on the website yet, but hopefully will be at www.vanityfair.com. I have a scanned copy of the article if you want me to email it to you.

2 Fun Blogs

Ever wonder what fleas, tax evaders and fetuses had in common? Check out indexed.

Plastic action figures doing yoga. What's funnier than Barbie and GI Joe cursing over yoga? Visit yogabeans

Yoga Misunderstood

I constantly run into people who think yoga is something that it is not and is for something it is not. So, here's my version of yoga 101.

People say things like "I can't do yoga because I'm not flexible... because I'm not patient... because I'm out of shape... because I have an injury..." All of these statements are filled with misconception that yoga is something you achieve when in actuality it is a practice.

Let's start with an analogy everyone can relate to - homework. Homework and tests serve different purposes. Tests are checking to see if you have already learned the material. Homework is designed to teach you how to do something and to practice different scenarios. Yoga is like homework.

Here's one other analogy before I talk about what yoga is - yoga is like dance. You can dance fast or slow, standing up or sitting down, structured or unstructured, coordinated or not, square or ballet or salsa or tribal or any other way that suits your fancy. What ties all of this together is moving your body to music. Yoga is as varied as dance.

Hatha Yoga is as moving your body with breath. All you have to do is breath in while you move into one pose and breath out while you move into another pose. It's all the stuff that you do in between that makes different styles and teachers different. You can do yoga in a way that is relaxing or builds your flexibility or makes you sweat or gives you better balance or tones your muscles or focuses your mind. So, anyone can do yoga no matter what their physical state. One of the leading yoga teachers today developed his style because he was in a wheelchair and told he couldn't walk.

Just like homework, the benefits of yoga are in the doing, not in the completing. Let's say you are working to become more stronger. You have trouble doing pushups, so working on pushups really builds your strength. One day, doing a pushup is easy. You aren't done building strength because you can do a pushup, so now you have to find the next thing that is going to help you build strength - either more pushups or another excercise. The same holds true for yoga. If you are working to create flexibility and can't touch your toes then a forward fold is great for creating a stretch. Once that pose is easy, you have to find something else to get that same stretch. The yoga is in the stretch, not in the touching of your toes.

So, in a way I'm lucky that I can't touch my toes because no matter what pose I'm doing, I can still get a great stretch.

Make sense? Now that you have no more excuses, go practice.

Baby!

Scott & Kim had their baby! Now I'm "Crazy Auntie Jodi," courtesy of Alex Kaplan. Here are the new baby pics! You can email them at segalsm at hotmail.com.

Now I have proof that I'm right.

I'm now a reviewer for the 2007 Santa Barbara International Film Festival. This verifies me as a bona-fide movie critic! They get 2000 submissions and will screen only 200 at the film fest. It's the reviewers and staff that decide what makes it into the festival. I pick them up at the office and return them within 4 days of checkout. I'm allowed to have friends watch them with me. Based on my involvement, I get rewarded with different levels of passes to the film fest. Let me know if you want to watch them with me!

Alimony/Gavin Update

This has been a busy week! The court told me that I only have option left to get the alimony if Gavin doesn't voluntarily pay. I wasn't about to face him in court with charges that could put him in jail, so I emailed him for lunch. We met on Monday. We were both relieved to see each other. He understands why I shut him out, and I understand why he kept trying to get me to talk with him - we were both hurt and upset. It's been a long time so we are ready to talk again and re-establish a relationship.

Without getting into too many details, he agreed to pay me a slightly lower amount per month for a longer period of time, so it will add up to the same total. The first check is supposed to arrive on September 1st. I hope it works!

Pandora Rocks!

Pandora is like Tivo for music. Enter an artist or song you like and Pandora will play songs with similar qualities. You get to approve or disappove of each song, letting you make the selection more sophisticated.

It's all free and includes music from unsigned artists. You can have multiple radio stations and login from anywhere.

Alimony update

I talked with a lawyer who wants a 3,500 retainer in order to file the forms and appear in court. She estimates the total costs to be 3k-5k. Since that's almost 1/3 of what I'm owed and 10x more than I have in the bank, I think I'm going to pass. I'm trying to see someone at the courts to get some advice. Unfortunately, you have to line up a couple of hours in advance of when they start seeing people in order to get a spot. I tried on Monday, but didn't get in. I'm going to try again next Monday when they are open again. If that doesn't work, then I'll try Legal Aid or a 3rd lawyer. Wierdly, I probably won't be poor enough to qualify for Legal Aid. It's really frustrating that someone willing to do the work herself can't get a straight answer on how to make it happen. Anyone have any ideas?

Photos of Us

Jim's parents came to visit last week. His mom took these photos, so now you can finally see a little bit of our little bitty house and a bit of SB. It's the trade-off for living in paradise.

Good letter in today's paper

Divorce is bane of marriage's sanctity

Bob Barker, Santa Barbara

June 13, 2006

I don't understand how some people have come to the conclusion that gay marriage somehow undermines the sanctity of marriage.

What undermines the sanctity of marriage is divorce. So, if people want to protect the sanctity of marriage, they should be fighting for an amendment to ban divorce.

It would be interesting to see how many people, including our political leaders, would support such an amendment.

Agony of De Teeth

My teeth are conspiring against me. I have been grinding my teeth at night for years, without knowing it. The problem is so severe that my teeth are actually flat now. Anyone who knows about this problem could tell right away by looking at my teeth. Anyone, that is, except my dentist. Hello!!!! Don't you think someone could have told me!?!?

So, my new dentist (who I trust) gives me a $500 night guard to grind on. I crack 2 of them, which she says is impossible. Then I get a 3rd one which only covers some of my teeth leaving space for the most pressure to be left hanging off the back of the guard. This has caused my teeth to realign, along with moving my jaw back. That's when the headaches and shooting pain started in my ears.

So, I went back to the dentist who sent me to an orthodontist specializing in TMJ. He starts off by asking if I had braces as a kid with headgear. Then he said that headgear can pull the jaw back too far, so the jawbone and nerves are too close together, causing the pain.

The solution? He made me night guard #4 (at another $250 that I don't have), with the hopes that I won't crack it. I think he doesn't trust the first 3 were made properly. I hope he's right. Then he suggests "jaw therapy" to my dentist, but doesn't bother to tell me about it. Thank goodness she mentioned it to me. What is jaw therapy you say? Braces!!!! He wants to put me in braces again, for a year and a half, with rubberbands, so my teeth grow down enough to compensate for the grinding.

CRAP! I did everything the orthodontist told me to do and now they want another 5k from me, when I have less than $500 in the bank. Not likely.

I'm going to explore other options like cranio-sacral massage where they hold the muscles of your jaw in a relaxed position so your bones can realign. My massage therapist says grinding is a sign of mineral deficiency. So, it seems there are other, simpler, cheaper things to try first.

The Agony of De Feet

Well, we lost. The election that is. We still can't figure out how it happened. 4 candidates ran for county supervisor from the 2nd of 5 districts in Santa Barbara County. Counties in California have a lot of influence and power over some really important decisions, like land-use, development, housing, and transportation. We came in 3rd place, almost tied for last. We had almost 200 volunteers going door to door in the district, while the other candidates probably had around 20 each. With so much public support and so many people willing to spend their time helping, I can't understand who voted for the other candidates. At least Jim gets to take a very much needed break right now and we get to keep our candidate (Das) on the City Council for another 5 years.

Onward and upward.

a baby, a prom, a wedding, and a funeral

Since my last post, I've seen an entire lifetime of events. My friend Heather & her partner Deb birthed baby Liam at home, Jim & I attended a middle-aged gay prom (it was a blast!), my friend Darien became engaged, and a friend died. Also, I came to terms with my decision on the alimony Gavin owes me. Here's more on the alimony, and then the death.

Last week, Gavin was on the cover of the weekly entertainment newspaper, the SB Independent. It's a great paper that everyone reads and is distributed everywhere. The story was about SB nightlife and only quoted him a couple of times. He is quite well known in SB, so he was their cover photo. The photo isn't available online. He's been very successful, which is great, but his success is one more reason why he shouldn't be let off the hook for the alimony. He DJs about 6 nights a week, works a couple days at a school, owns a DJ school, owns a DJ referral business, and has bought a condo, new truck, and a motorcycle. I would say he has the means to pay the alimony. The courts said that he is legally required to pay me before he pays any other expenses, including his own rent or mortgage. I haven't been aggressive about it for the past year since communication with him is painful and opens the door to more interaction with him. However, I'm living month to month and this was the last straw. I'm going to send him a letter by mail notifying him that I will be garnishing his wages beginning in June. I'll clearly state how it will work and that future communications should be by mail.

The other big thing that has happened is a friend in SB died last week. I barely knew her, but it's still really hard to hear, and I still had to mourn. She was about 25, worked at PIRG, and was severely depressed. She was on suicide watch, but was smart and determined enough to set up a scenario where everyone thought she was with someone else. She moved her car so people would think she was away from home and her roommate was in Boston. She died on Wednesday night. On Monday, her voicemail was full, a friend realized she wasn't where she said she would be, and they called the police. Her close friends and family are saddened, but said she would have died 6 months ago had she not had such close friends and loved ones. The pain was just too much for Mary Braun to bear. I'll post a photo here of her once I get one to help remember her.

$50,000 !!!!

I just got a $50,000 check for Pacific Pride! Woo hoo!!!! This REALLY helps us get back on track and keep our doors open. It may be the biggest check that PPF has ever gotten. It's certainly the biggest one I have, by 5 times!

PS - we also got a 5k challenge grant (we need to raise 5k in matching $ to get the grant) and at 14k foundation grant this week!

Al Franken Hugged Me!

On 3/31/06, Jim & I volunteered for a fundraiser for the Santa Barbara Legal Aid Foundation. LAF does fine work, but neither of us has been involved before. We voluneered because Al Franken was speaking and we could get in for free. When we showed up for the event, we found out that we also got to take shifts at the pre-event meet & greet with the man. We got to meet him and get our photo taken together, where Al hugged me!
For anyone who doesn't know who Al Franken is, think "Deep Thoughts, By Jack Handey." He's also the political satyrist who started the progressive talk radio network "Air America." He did a great job of criticizing Republicans, but let the Democrats totally off the hook, which was very disappointing.